A Tale of Two Cities

The last two weeks have seen many an intense debate on Brand Bangalore having taken a beating due to all the political drama that took place. I have been pretty much intrigued by the national media’s obscene interest in Bangalore. In fact, one news channel went to the extent of creating a special program, during primetime, featuring people who interestingly, in no way can claim to understand Bangalore. Gauri Lankesh, Rajiv Pratap Rudy, and Jayanthi Natarajan.

As a Bangalorean away from home, I tuned in. How do I describe what I went through? Right. Have you ever felt like you bought a ticket to a movie and the chap supposed to load the reel into the projector suddenly decided to play a completely different movie? Exactly what I felt. The program was titled ‘Is the Bangalore Dream turning into a Nightmare?’ While I was expecting people to talk about the actual impact of lack of governance, I was aghast to see these people debating political honesty, land grabbing being the cause of the Government's fall, and such other issues that don’t quite sound like 'Bad Roads.'

Not a single soul mentioned the fact that there is a Mahanagara Palika that has a job to do irrespective of whether the ministers are there or not. I mean, is there any other reason why we citizens pay taxes, if not to expect those babus to move their whatevers? Also, talking about the title, since when did one channel get the right to decide if a city that has built lakhs of dreams is cheating them of it? Eh?

So, the show went on. And on. With all the contestants who would at best be like a boy in a topless bar if left alone in Bangalore. After this sordid display of absolute gibberish, was the show’s host who made a laudable attempt at sounding intelligently informed about Bangalore. All in all, a sham. And nothing short of the typical fare one would expect from tele-prompter aided voiceover artists we see on TV who only love getting participants on such shows to fight. And then say something like, "Right then, as you can see, it's a very emotional issue." Hell! Give me a break. Emotional? People in Bangalore aren’t even bothered about this political drama.

Honestly, no Bangalorean gives a damn about HDD, his son, his son's adventures with BJP, or the INC's plan to destabilise the sometimes holy and mostly unholy alliance. A Bangalorean is smart and busy to be bothered with these things. Don't believe me? Try bringing up this question at the Tavern Inn on Church Street, Hotel Janata in Malleshwaram, MLTR in Gandhi Bazaar, or Roti Ghar in J P Nagar. And you will be amazed at what you will hear. "Bidri, ivarella yaarannu uddhaara maadolla." Cynicism, practicality, or sheer indifference. Whatever you may want to call it, the fact that Bangalore, unlike the other city I wish to talk about, despite infrastructure woes (which interestingly does exist in every other city), still is a great place to be in.

So, I guess it's time the media, intelligentsia and all other self-declared custodians of Bangalore lay off from constant criticism, obsessive analysis and even worse, airing their elementary and erroneous, inane points of view publicly. Now, about another city that's made the news. Kolkata, previously Calcutta.

Strangely when the name change happened, it was, agreed by everyone that it was a terrific one for it was for cultural reasons. Nobody, repeat, nobody had a problem with it. Unlike Bangalore becoming or going to become Bengalooru. By the way, the same media scoffs at Bangalore deciding what it wants to call itself, and the same intelligentsia calls it being an unfriendly brand name as a business hub, etc. I mean let me know if you find these people who have the nerve to question what one city wants to do with it’s name? Different cities, and therefore different yardsticks? Think about it. Anyways, that's beside the point.

Now, coming back to Kolkata, there sure was some political drama out there. And what's more, if the Bangalore Drama scored 9 out of 10, the Kolkata Sequel's rating awaits a new scale that goes beyond 20 or even 30. While the Bangalore version featured war of words, the Kolkata version featured bullets. Real ones at that. While the Bangalore plot killed a few politicians' ambitions, the Kolkata one, well, killed people. The Bangalore version was because of a fractured mandate. But the Kolkata one was a result of a few fractured skulls taking decisions. While the Bangalore version has left political parties divided, the Kolkata version has left a city divided. If Bangalore was comedy of errors, Kolkata was tragic-comedy with jokers calling and firing the shots. Has anyone paused to ask how much of a battering Brand India has taken thanks to all this street theatre? Yet, this strange obsession with Brand Bangalore.

While all and sundry have started to ask if the Bangalore Dream has become a Nightmare, for starters, ask if Kolkata just dreams on about when it's nightmare will end?
It’s here that I would like to quote a car sticker I saw few months ago that said, "BANGALORE IS FULL. GO BACK!” While I do not subscribe to that thought, I would surely say this much. Leave what Bangalore wants to do to its people. Don’t even bother even if the dream has become a nightmare.

As Bangaloreans, we’ve loved the city. And will continue to love it. As Bangaloreans, yeah, we love having you over. But if you don’t want to drop by, we sure can party on our own. And for heaven’s sake, quit analyzing what you have no clue about. For, Bangalore loves wise men, and can’t tolerate wise guys.

Whither Goest Thou?

That's a question me asks of the world that surrounds me. A world that has transformed itself or rather, questionably, allowed everyone else around it to transform it beyond recognition. A world often referred to as one filled with delirium, chaos and habitants on the verge of madness. Therefore a nomenclature that reads 'Mad Ad World'.

In a sense, it's not way off the mark. For, only someone who makes those hatters look sane would allow anyone and everyone dictate terms (and conditions, in our case). Thus diluting our cause for existence. The cause being a simple one. That of selling.

Come on, today, look at the process of selling. When you go out to buy a TV, no salesman would ever go about creating or enacting a picture to sell that darned Idiot Box. No clever 'hey guess what this means' pictorial representation of some message takes place. Instead, like you would have often seen, heard and experienced, he would say those critical words that will trigger your imagination. And force you to move your hand, depending on what sort you are- right or left-handed, to the pocket that contains your wallet.

Now, this very art of using words to sell has been given a go-ahead very conveniently. Thanks to possibly lazy writers, I-don't-understand-copy-yet-want-to-sell-client, greed for a few pieces of metal, diffidence and even a great possibility of being an overloaded writer.

Speaking of writers, one name comes to mind. William (Bill) Bernbach (August 13, 1911, New York City - October 2, 1982). A legendary figure in the history of advertising. One of the three founders of Doyle Dane Bernbach, he created copy-driven campaigns such as "Think Small" for Volkswagen Beetle (recognized by Advertising Age[1] as the top advertising campaign of the 20th Century). In addition to those memorable words in that order, are campaigns such as "We Try Harder" (Avis Car Rental), "Mikey" (Life Cereal), "You Deserve a Break Today" (McDonalds), and "It's so simple" (Polaroid).


Now you see why I ask my fraternity the question, "Quo Vadis?" Or, whither goest thou?